It is now November, 3 months since my last post, and yes, the ship did go down and took me with it. I ended up hitting rock bottom, but thanks to some really wonderful friends who helped me to keep my head above surface, I’m still here, breathing, existing, and slowly coming alive again.
It isn’t easy being stuck in a life you really don’t like, but can’t change because of the circumstances that put you in that life. Living with HSP and periodical depressions which over time has caused so many problems in your life that you can’t live for real in a world like today, but at the same time being witness to how “normal” people joggle life, reaching their goals, having great experiences, while being stuck in the triviality of your own caged life, can really bring you down. Being surrounded by successful people who explore their dreams and reach out and takes what life offers them, only makes the contrast even more visible.
I have so many dreams. I have so many things I want to do, so many things I would like to try. But there’s a wall of concrete built up around me, and I have no tools to pick in it with so I can break out.
Its so depressing. I can look out and see how others live their lives, do what they want, have good times. I’m stuck in reverse. And it will never get better. How and where do I find any enthusiasm for myself? What keeps me alive, is my love for my daughters and few true friends.
Please God, save me from my emotional prison, let me free and let me live. Not only exist – but live…
- Karina
