It isn’t easy being stuck in a life you really don’t like, but can’t change because of the circumstances that put you in that life. Living with HSP and periodical depressions which over time has caused so many problems in your life that you can’t live for real in a world like today, but at the same time being witness to how “normal” people joggle life, reaching their goals, having great experiences, while being stuck in the triviality of your own caged life, can really bring you down. Being surrounded by successful people who explore their dreams and reach out and takes what life offers them, only makes the contrast even more visible.

I have so many dreams. I have so many things I want to do, so many things I would like to try. But there’s a wall of concrete built up around me, and I have no tools to pick in it with so I can break out.

Its so depressing. I can look out and see how others live their lives, do what they want, have good times. I’m stuck in reverse. And it will never get better. How and where do I find any enthusiasm for myself? What keeps me alive, is my love for my daughters and few true friends.

Please God, save me from my emotional prison, let me free and let me live. Not only exist – but live…

- Karina

A summer full of ups and downs. I guess there are limits to what the great dandelion root can do for me. It certainly can’t bring back mobility of a broken and ruined finger.

In July I broke a finger while pushing kids on a swing. I assumed it was only a sprain so I didn’t get it checked until two weeks later and an x-ray showed it had been broken and now grew together wrong, plus the disk in the joint was crushed. So now I’m in constant pain, the finger is in the way of almost everything, can’t bend or straighten properly, and this problem has caused my life to almost do a summersault over the past few weeks.

Earlier I used to make dolls and knit a lot – I can no longer root the dolls, and what earlier took me two days to knit, now takes me three weeks while being in a great deal of pain while doing so. Its depressing and I can’t help but feeling scared. Will this ever be any better? Will I ever be able to go back to my two passions?

When it happened I had three months of waitinglist of customers waiting for outfits to be made.. imagine what that has done to my economy to have had to cancel all those orders…

So I am now hoping to be able to scale up my webdesign work, korrespondance work with translations etc. along with graphic design. Those things have until now just been on the hobbyside, but since I can no longer add to my income from dollmaking and clothing, I need to find something else. Also in order to keep myself busy.

Some days are just too hard to go through. Like today… apparently I’ve slept on my hand so the broken finger has been really painful all day. That brings down my mood, and gives me scary thoughts of wether or not this will be better or if it will continue for the rest of my life and prevent me from doing what I’m best at…

So people who read this… appreciate what you have, you’ll never know when you lose it.

- Karina

a song like that can get me into writing mood again..

For weeks I haven’t been able to write.
Things were clogging up for me, disturbing my thoughts so I couldn’t concentrate on writing, and couldn’t find the peace inside which is needed… too many thoughts..

But now things are getting sorted and life is coming together as its supposed to. End of tiredness, end of depression (I hope), end of stress and headaches… life is coming back to me.

Today i was able to sort the things that caused my writers’ block. Changing title, removing an unsuitable paragraph, changing “book cover” and re-arrange chapters so they’re now matching in order and content, instaed of the mess that was made by the constantly breaking down computer I had a while back.
Now everything seems straight forward, and its just to “sit down and write”.. but that can only be done with the right kind of music as background, to put me in the right mood for what I’m writing.

I’ve realised that i can’t listen to Bodies Without Organs when I’m writing, because I keep singing along to the songs instead of write… so now I’m compiling a playlist on youtube of songs that inspires me to write and put me in the right mood, and it has already helped. Josh Groban is always a good helper for writing, so is Westlife, Era and Adiemus. At least when I am writing sensitive scenes about young and/or first love.

well, “Silent Wittness” has started on TV now, so I’ll just set the DVD recorder to record tonight’s two episodes, make my kids’ lunchpacks for tomorrow, and then get off to bed, hoping I’ll be able to sleep tonight. One night without sleep is more than enough.

nite-nite
-Karina

Got new neigbours today. Two sets in one day.. that was a bit overwhelming and somewhat anxiety-triggering, especially when I saw a lose big huge German Shepheard guarding MY entrance… ahem.. are you friendly or can’t I get into my home or how am I to interprete this situation…

The past four months, house 1 and 2 have been almost torn down and put together, total renovation, and we have been living in noise, dusty, muck and junk of building materials, the street blocked by company vans, and handymen absolutely EVERYWHERE… but now they’re gone its kind of sad… but now the new neigbours are moving in.

its almost poetic – in house number two lived until April an old lady and her husband. In april I attended his 90 year birthday party, a week later they moved to old people’s home.
The lady in the house, was the FIRST tennant to live there, and now, the day before the second tennant moves in, i read in the paper that the first tennant has died of old age… I think its somehow poetic..

So now my street, which is one out of several in this area, is the street with most dogs, most rabbits and most kids… there’s 12 houses in the street. As of tomorrow there’ll be 8 dogs… 12 rabbits and at least 10 kids in various ages… none of the other streets has that many of everything.. its a bit funny. We get it all here and we laugh about it. What a party we’ll be able to make next summer!!

I HAVE had time to be creative today as well. A bit of Fan-Art: Martin Rolinski…. I use special pencils to draw, aqua-pencils for lines and details, and powder-pastels for larger areas and for skin and blush..they blend so well..

And then I went to make a nightbottle for laura – yes, despite being her age she needs her nightbottle to keep her weight from falling any lower, but I put coffeebeans into her milk instead of rice powder, and they’re not even in the same cupboard… so I guess I’m tired, or pre-occupied with Gravitonas and Martin Rolinski, not to forget “You’re not alone”, so maybe its just time for me to go to sleep.. after all, my kids have a habit of getting up at six in the morning during weekends….

nite nite dear friends

Except – this:

The cover for my book, “You’re not alone…” Despite the book being written in my own language, I have chosen to given it a title which just wouldn’t sound right if translated into Danish. And since the book also will be translated into English, I find it okay. Afterall, we are all becoming more and more international all over.

The book is not listed on my website like my other stories are. And the reason for that is that I am hoping to actually FINISH this one for publication some time during 2012. So the only people apart from myself to read it until then, are my ping-pong’er, and my proffreader and translator.

What I CAN reveal though, is that the book is about two friends, Esben and Nazim, and we follow their lives over about one year, where one struggles with the worries of cancer, and the other struggles to suppress aspects of his sexuality.

Enough said…

This might not be the final cover for the book, since I’m not all that satisfied with how Nazim turned out…

- Karina Brandt

MY bodies without organs – my freshly painted BJD dolls, and they do indeed not have organs!!

Okay, so the title may have mislead you, but it made you look, right?

Well, like some people know and others don’t: I am a DOLLMAKER.
I don’t sculpt them – yet at least – but I do paint them and assemble them. And lately it has been my resin BJD dolls that all have got new face-ups, re-strung their elastics and re-dressed for decoration and photoshoots.

well, first of is Valentin my modern wiccan believer, 65cm tall, face paint and bodyblush by me:

Then we have his wife, Viktoria, who seems to have just woken up from a nap, 65cm, also face-up and bodyblush by me:

Then there’s Suzie, (Dollstown Hannah 7 years old sculpt) 45cm – can’t quite figure out if she’s earthly or not.. but a beauty she is, and again, face-up and bodyblush by yours truly:

And we have sweet little Ingrid, 40cm (Iplehouse Tatiana sculpt)

Last but not least, the lastest body without organs who has moved in here, is Alexander. 60cm, (Leeke’s Mihael sculpt)

Busy busy.

I can’t believe how its already one o’clock.

Been doin’ laundry, assembled half of the new chest of drawers upstairs, done face-up and body-blushing on two BJDs, well, I started those yesterday and finished them today. Now I need to find something to dress them in so they can be photographed. I think they’d be ashamed to be photographed in the nude!!

I can’t begin to describe how wonderful it feels to be ‘alive’ again. To be able to just go on and on, without being tired or worn out after ten minutes.

And what’s the secret?

One little capsule of dried and powderiesed Dandelionroot every morning. It has cleaned out all toxins and waste of my body and organs, helped me to lose weight by reducing hunger and removing the crave for sweet stuff. And in the slipstream of all that, new energy is emerging, and this summer has over the past four weeks now, brought on a total tidy-up and clean-up of my home, and it has been wonderful to experience the energy for that again. The past few years it has been a struggle to just do the dishes every day, or do the laundry.. now it seems I can manage all again. Its just wonderful.

So people, if you feel tired, burnt out and need to lose weight and need some new energy, try dandelionroot. I import it legally from www.premiumhealthuk.co.uk – you can do the same.

I wish you all a nice rest-of-the-day

- Karina Brandt

it seems my life at the moment is taking a turn for the better, which is a huge relief.

After having suffered the aftermaths of a severe pre-eclampsia the past 2½ years, I’m finally coming “back to life”, not feeling sick all the time, constant headaches gone, not constantly tired, and best of all, blood preassure is back in control.

I am NOT having any more kids, I think I’d be popping my clogs if I were to give birth once more.

So I’m loving the two girls I have “Princess & Angel” AKA Katrine and Laura.

So with the new life, new energy, new happiness, its also time for a new blog, this time integrated with my website.

- Karina